This will be my final attitude of gratitude entry.
Our precious Shiloh went home to his Heavenly Father yesterday. Yes, we had a baby boy. A beautiful, healthy boy. 2.9 lbs. 13.75 inches long. One hour he was with us, the next he was not. There is not an explanation.
There is no blame to assign--no judgments to be made. No answers.
'the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'
-Job 1:22
I don't know why this happened. What I do know is that Shiloh has changed more lives and done more good in his short existence than many of us do in a lifetime. And I am grateful for that. I'm grateful for the lessons I have learned, grateful for each of you, grateful for the six weeks God gave me. Our hearts our broken, but we know that this is not the end--this is just the beginning. We are not the first to walk this lonely road, and unfortunately we are not the last.
So we will take it a day at a time. We have been practicing for six weeks. There are some inevitable dark days ahead, but that doesn't diminish the light of this precious soul we were privileged to know. I feel like the excerpts from the following talk capture our feelings perfectly.
"How fragile life, how certain death. We do not know when we will be required to leave this mortal existence. And so I ask, “What are we doing with today?” If we live only for tomorrow, we’ll have a lot of empty yesterdays today. Have we been guilty of declaring, “I’ve been thinking about making some course corrections in my life. I plan to take the first step—tomorrow”? With such thinking, tomorrow is forever. Such tomorrows rarely come unless we do something about them today.
My brothers and sisters, may we resolve from this day forward to fill our hearts with love. May we go the extra mile to include in our lives any who are lonely or downhearted or who are suffering in any way. May we “[cheer] up the sad and [make] someone feel glad.” 11 May we live so that when that final summons is heard, we may have no serious regrets, no unfinished business, but will be able to say with the Apostle Paul, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”
We love you. We thank you and appreciate your continued prayers, support and love as we try to go forward with our lives. Lives hopefully that will be lived in a manner that will make us fit for the privilege of our children's presence in the world to come.
This story is not a tragedy. Our happily ever after will come. We just have to get through the intermission.
39 comments:
Oh Hill and Blaine. Last night when my Mom called I just cried for you. You are right, this experience has touched many lives, mine included. I am so grateful for your strength and strong testimony of a loving Heavenly Father. You both will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. We love you so much.
Hillary and Blaine- We are so sorry to hear the news. You are in our thoughts and prayers! We love you guys, and if you need anything, just let us know!
I am so, so sorry Hillary and Blaine. I admire your courage and realization throughtout your weeks on bedrest that baby Shiloh is yours, no matter what. He waits for you in Heavenly Fathers arms.
I stand and give both of you a standing ovation! BRAVO! BRAVO!
To my strong, brave little "Moroni", go get 'em in heaven! I am sure that Shiloh and grandpa Calaway will be a force that will be heard. I can just see grandpa now gathering him under his big arms and scooping him up saying,"Let's get to work". I treasure the day that we will all be reunited. How wonderful and loving our Heavenly Father is to create such a wonderful plan for us.
I'm so sorry Hilary. I don't even know what to say. I was so shocked as I read this. I can only second everything that has already been said, by you, by your friends. I am grateful to Shiloh for inspiring you to post such testimony building and uplifting thoughts. It would be so easy for you to be angry right now and I am so in awe of you for being the strong, Christlike person you are who still loves Heavenly Father and is grateful for everything that has happened to you. He must have needed another angel in heaven right now and just wanted to give him to you for a brief time, to be guaranteed a place in a loving forever family when that time will someday come. I love you and hope you are blessed with strength and peace these upcoming days, weeks, and so on... Please call me if you need anything.
HIllary, I love you guys so much! I was so surprised and so sad with the news when I heard it, but I knew with all my heart that your tender hearts would be cradled in love from our Heavenly Father. Angels are all around us and I'm sure you will be blessed many times throughout your life where you will feel your little Shiloh or others through the veil.
What an amazing journey you have been on. I believe you will find peace and comfort in the days ahead as well. In Brad Wilcox's book, The Continuous Atonement, he says, "Before we came to the world, God knew we had progressed as far as we were able to without an earthly experience. He could no longer carry us by keeping us in His presence. It was time for His children to learn how to walk on their own. That's why He lovingly placed us here- across the room, so to speak- and stepped just beyond our reach, all the while beckoning us to come. He knew the tumbles that awaited us. He knew the ups and downs ahead. That's why he planned from the very start to send our older brother to hold our hands, lift us up, and guide us across the room back to His outstretched arms. We left those arms crawling. We can return to them running."
I'm sure right now you can't think of anything more wonderful than the moment when you get to have your little Shiloh with you forever. I know you can do this! You are an amazing person and those days when it becomes unbearable, just give your burden to the Savior. He knows what you feel like. We'll be praying for you and Blaine in the days and weeks ahead.
Hillary, we are so sorry to hear. It makes my heart ache with pain for you and Blaine. We love you guys and will continue to pray for you. Little Shiloh did change many lives in his short time. What a precious little boy. I am so grateful for your testimony and inspiration to all, you are one amazing lady. You fought a good fight and you could do nothing more. You truely inspire me to live each day to the fullest. You are an example to many and I am so grateful for you and Blaine and your strong testimonys of the gospel and our Heavenly Fathers plan. Hugs to all of you! You are in our continued thoughts and prayers. We love you! And I am for sure Shiloh is at work with Grandpa Calaway.
Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. My heart just aches for you and your family. How blessed we are with the knowledge of the gospel, the atonement, the plan of salvation. Now you have an angel in heaven watching over all of you. You will still be in my thoughts and prayers. What an inspiration you have been to me! Thank you for sharing your life with us. Love you!
I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Eve
Oh Hillary, Im so sorry.
Hillary and Blaine, we are so sorry to hear the news. Loss of a baby is so hard. It will always stay with you. I know that the only way through it is to lean on Heavenly Father. He brings comfort. But, you already know that. Just know you aren't alone.
I am so very sorry. Our prayers are with you. Our thoughts are with you. Our faith is with your faith.
The Gospel is true...Families are Forever.
I'm so incredibly sorry. What an amazingly rough road you have had to face. I know that you will get through this and your lives will be full again. I wish I could be there for you but I know that that is impossible. My heart is with you.
oh Hillary, I'am so sorry for your loss..I have been reading your blog everyday and have been silently praying for your family. I'am so sorry for your sorrow and for the sweet spirit that you only got to enjoy for a minute of this lifetime..I will continue to pray for you, your hubby, your babies and your sweet family....Love, Tiffany and the rest of the Robinson Bunch.
hillary, i just saw Amanda's post. i'm so sorry. your little family is in our prayers. sending all the strength i have your way.
Thank you for allowing us to join you in this journey, Hillary. We have gained so much respect and reverence for life. You and you family have touched us all.
Our prayers are with you Blaine.
Much love.
We are so sad and sorry to hear about your loss, we will continue to pray for you and your family.
Your attitude of gratitude has truly inspired me to be a better mom and to focus on what is really important in life, so thank you so much for sharing your experience through your blog.
we cried with you yesterday. i am so grateful we were able to follow you through this adventure and i hope you always remember that this isn't the end of it...isn't it great to know that there is a plan and HE is in charge? give colton a hug for us and know that we are praying for you and loving you all from miles and miles away.
Hillary, thank you for your strength, I have really learned from you, even being so far away, You have been an amazing example and teacher. I am sorry for you, but am so grateful for your testimony you have shared because of Shiloh. Thank you Shiloh and thank you.
Hillary, your strength through this whole experience has been amazing. Thank you for being such a strength and example to all. I pray that the Lord will fill you and your family with peace at this time. Your sweet little boy is lucky to call you his mommy.
Our prayers arfe with you! We are sorry for your loss.
Hillary I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have really enjoyed your post and how you have learned to lean on our Heavenly Father. It won't be easy but I know you will be strong and you already know where to turn. My prayers are with you and your family.
Hillary, I love you so much. We are so so sorry to hear about Shiloh.I wish I was closer. You are truly an inspiring person. You have made me realize so much in the past 39 days. I am truly grateful to feel apart of this journey. I thank you for that. I hope one day I can amount to the person you are.You are your family are in our prayers. We love you guys.
We are so sorry to hear about your sweet baby boy. Your such an amazing women with such a big heart. We are still praying for you and your little family. We love you and miss you, wish I was there to give you a big hug.
I am amazed by your strength. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Dear Blaine,Hillary,and Colton,
We are so sorry. We love you all so much. We stand ready and waiting to be of assistance in any way. Our prayers have been ceaseless in behalf of your family. We will remember with you, your precious Shiloh, in our hearts forever. Bishop Thomas, Annette, and Kathryn Hilton
Hillary,
My heart aches for you. I cannot imagine what you are feeling, but please know that my most sincere prayers will be with you and your family.
Thank you for all that you have taught me over these last 6 weeks. Your thoughts, your outlook, and your wisdom have been inspiring.
I know that you are surrounded by friends and family who will love and support you through this time, but if there were by chance anything that I could do for you, just let me know.
Love,
Lisa
The miracle wasn't that Shiloh would make it into this life. The miracle is your wonderful outlook of it all. I feel so privileged to call you my sister. I love you so much and I am so grateful for the lessons you have taught me over the course of the past 39 days. You're always in our thoughts and in our prayers. Call whenever you need to.
Love, Ash
It is amazing how a little soul like Shiloh didn't have to utter a word to bear his testimony of the importance of mortality.
Shiloh will never be forgotten. He touched our lives forever and we look forward to lots of hugs and kisses on the other side.
Your sacrifices and tender, loving actions will be a monument to eternal families. We know we will see and touch little Shiloh again.
We love and admire you very much. Our prayers will not stop until your hearts are at peace.
Love,
Uncle Kurt and Aunt Gaylene
Hillary & Blaine,
I'm so sorry Shiloh didn't make it. You two have been so strong and such examples to each of us of your continued faith in our Heavenly Father. I know you will feel Shiloh's presence throughout your lives and that Heavenly Father will be so mindful of your faithfulness and gratitude. I commend you for your positive outlook on this journey. I've so enjoyed reading your blog and being able to be a part of your lives and especially a part of your experience with baby Shiloh. We will never forget him!!! We love you and want you to know you are always in our thoughts and prayers! And through your faith, you will get your "heavenly ever after."
Love you,
Uncle Jared and Aunt Krissy
hillary and Blaine,
I am so sorry for your loss. I can not even begin to tell you how your testimony and faith have changed my way of thinking and my life forever. I hope to someday have just a percentage of the faith and complete honessty you have, and for let us be a part of. thank you. you are truly amazing. my words feel so small and insignificant, but I hope you can feel a little of how much you have touched me...
with love Emily (Hobley) Summers.
Calaways,
We love you and are praying for you. I'm so thankful for the knowledge of eternal families. I know that there is a season to mourn, and I hope you take that time, but I'm grateful there will come a season to rejoice when you can be with Shiloh again. Thanks for your example.
You are in our thoughts, Hillary and Blaine.
I am thankful for your example and testimony. I am sorry for your loss, but I am amazed by your strength and all that you have gained through this difficult time.
Much Love, Catherine
We are so sorry, too, Hilary. It has been an inspiring moment in our lives to read what you've written. We're thinking of you and your family.
We are so sorry for your loss! Thank you for letting us be a part of the journey. I have learned so much from what you've written. We're thinking of you guys!
-Amy and Jeff
Hillary and Blaine, we want you to know of our love for you. You have blessed all of our lives. We (Lyndsie, Michelle, and I) have all shed some tears for you this week, but we also know how strong and faithful you are. Heavenly Father will bless you!! Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the lessons you have taught us, you are a blessing!
I'm so sorry. We send our love to you both ...
Hill I am so sorry, what a rough road. You have always been such an example to me, I will always remeber you for that. I have never done my visiting teaching like I did when we went together. Thank you for your example hopefully if I have a trial like this I can rember your example of a truley grateful woman. Love you girl, your hubby is one lucky lucky man :)
Hillary- I've wanted to leave a comment but I don't know what to say. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and you having blogged and continuing to blog this journey has been such a blessing and a source of strength to more people than I'm sure you realize. The Gospel is true, the Plan of Salvation is real, and to witness such a faithful daughter of God going through such a difficult trial and remaining faithful and continually bearing testimony through it has touched my life and strengthened my testimony as well. Again, you are and have been in my thoughts and prayers. :)
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