I am not a patient person. I've been known to tell the microwave to hurry up when I'm heating pre-cooked bacon. Yes. It is that bad. I blame my Grandma Beth. I inherited a genetic disorder from her called hyper-butt syndrome (Mom says it skips a generation), and it makes it impossible to not go 100 miles per hour regardless of the task.
Coincidence that I may end up being on bed rest for over 12 weeks?
I think not.
And the ironic part is it is self-induced! I choose to subject myself to this day-after-day. My nurses tell me that a lot of women refuse to do what I am doing--they can't get past the inconvenience it creates, and shift their focus from a me-centered universe. They put their own agendas, desires, what have you before others. Essentially, it is selfishness: that inability to delay gratification, or apply focus and dedicated effort to a worthwhile cause.
I was a very selfish person. This is helping me to be less so.
I am very grateful for that.
A life lived for yourself is not one worth living.
Trust me.
'Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring...It is not simply enduring; it is enduring well.'
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I don't want to sit (sorry, lay) here and strip my gears waiting and wondering why oh why has this befallen me. No, that would be dumb.
I want to endure well. It's a trademark quality of all the great men and women I look up to.
I've been false-starting the race of my life for years and running faster than I have strength trying to keep up with others while all I really needed to do was lace up my shoes, step on the track and give it my best.
Thank heavens the Head Coach pulled me aside for a few minutes to explain all of this.
6 comments:
My sister-in-law who delivers babies says that women like you who lay in bed to save their babies are heroes! I believe that you are a hero and are helping many to grow their testimonies. Keep up the great work!
Necia (Heidi Wyatt Brower's aunt)
Isn't that the truth Hillary! Patience is tough, and I struggle with it too! I wish you were closer so that we could come visit. I hope Blaine and Colton are doing well right now too! Can't wait to see this little baby... I just know that everything is going to turn out exactly as it should. I'm so proud of you! What you are doing is NOT easy, not to mention doing it miles away from family and friends. You are an inspiration to many (us included!).
Love,
Michelle
I just read the best article in this month's Ensign that addresses those of us who are always in a hurry. Here's the link.
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=9decc79fed3b8210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
Enjoy!
Dad Calaway
Hill, I love reading your blog. You are such a great example to those who get to read your blog. Thanks for posting everyday. I know that I don't get a chance to comment everyday, but I always look forward to reading how you are doing. Thanks again. Love you.
You are for sure a hereo and I admire you every day for your selflessness. You are enduring this situation better than I could even imagine. I love to read your words of wisdom every day! And now I want to go read that article Jeff just told you about!
I think you just diagnosed me! I have hyper-butt syndrome too. :) It's so hard for me not to just want to hurry things along. I want to get there faster, be done quicker, go, go, go! I have to remember to slow myself down a lot and remind me that it's not my schedule that is important, it's the Lord's time schedule. Plus, I find myself enjoying the ride more when I take time to look around and appreciate the scenery. You're amazing! We miss you and we love you!
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